


You Know I Do

by SpuffyCarrie



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Complete, Drama & Romance, F/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 05:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15454698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpuffyCarrie/pseuds/SpuffyCarrie
Summary: Begins with dialogue from S7 E14 - First Dates, then quickly goes off canon with some dialogue from the episode used later on.Buffy meets Spike when she leaves the bathroom dressed only in that cream camisole. In canon he just lets her go, with some bollocks about being OK with her going on a date with Robin Wood. Well, not in this story my lovely people. In this story Spike makes a move to get Buffy back and all we can hope is that he does!This fic is unbetaed, so all mistakes are my own.Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.





	You Know I Do

[](https://imgur.com/nneMXhu)

Spike found out about the date easily. Anyone who thought their conversations were private were off their gourd. They still forgot about his enhanced senses, and carried on with their tattling, gossiping and giggling as though nobody could hear them. He was surprised, and sometimes quite chuffed at how many times his name came up in discussions within the house.

Heading up for a quick shower while the girls were training in the garden, he looked up, entranced by Buffy walking along the hall holding a crumpled shirt in her hands and wearing a wispy cream lace camisole. It was the first time he’d seen her wearing anything less that her usual full complement of clothing since, since… “You look nice.” The words rolled off his tongue unchecked.

“Oh, thanks.” Buffy blushed, looking at herself but making no real attempt to cover up. “Uh, traditionally, one wears something over this.”

“Heard you got a date.” He found himself venturing. He cringed inside, he didn’t really want to know, he was so far from not OK with this he could go out and wring Wood’s neck for even having the audacity to ask her out. Still, the git didn’t know, how could he? He didn’t imagine Buffy bandying around the details of their relationship to all and sundry. No, she was the kind of girl who’d only kiss, never tell, well, never tell any but her intimate mates and maybe a heavily summarised version to her little sis.

She looks only a little uncomfortable, before she replies. “Well, it's unclear. I mean, I have this whole theory about a promotion. Or he's evil.”

They stare at each other and Buffy’s shuffling her feet a little. He doesn’t blame her; this conversation is excruciating.

“Buffy, I'm all right.” Spike finds himself saying, almost on autopilot. The worst thing in the world is for her to feel awkward or uneasy around him. That would ruin all the hard work they’d both done to make themselves feel congenial or relaxed around each other. He wanted to scream, and throw a punch through the wall, his demon crying out for her. It felt betrayed, hell, he felt betrayed. For her to consider being intimate with another man was more than either creature could take. Yet, he kept his cool.

“You don't have to…” She said, her eyes glittered like malachite as they bore into his, searching for his true feelings, no doubt. He wasn’t going to allow her this, not now, it wasn’t the right time.

“What? Be noble? I'm not. Really, I'm all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.”

“Good. I'm glad. Thank you.”

He wasn’t sure if he read relief or sadness in her eyes, so he carried on like the lovesick wanker he was. Changing tack on his previous thoughts, he could never see her hurting, it went against every fibre of his being. “Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.” He joked half-heartedly.

They both paused, not knowing what else to say to each other, what was there to say? He could throw himself at her feet and beg her not to go, but he knew there was no use in that, it would just cause a scene.

He felt the note he’d written earlier in his pocket with the tips of his fingers but nodded with a bashful smile. He desperately wanted to give her the note, to tell her a few truths about their current situation, but it seemed stupid now she actually was going on this date with Principle wank-face. Perhaps it was best what they’d had stayed in the past now, his head told him, his heart felt differently and wanted nothing more than to kiss her gently, whisper sweet nothings in her ear and remind her that she loved him. Because she did. She believed in him when no other bugger would, she didn’t kill him when he bloody well deserved it. She’d saved him from himself. Would anyone who didn’t love someone go to such lengths to save them? To help them get through the shittiest of times, when their head was fried, and they cowered in a basement, making not a lick of sense? He didn’t see anyone else doing it and he knew she knew deep down it wasn’t just guilt over what happened between them. After what happened in the bathroom she could’ve left him to rot in his own filth down in that basement. He knew he didn’t deserve her, his soul still told him so, even though he was back in the fold and trusted to be around her and Dawn, the scoobies and the baby slayers. She still stood up for him when the others snarked and bleated about how they didn’t trust him. He was in no position to push her for anything more than what they had right now, and that was a caring friendship and each other’s trusted ear over what was happening with the first.

She was moving, clearly thinking their conversation was over and he caught her arm gently as she scooted around him. “Pet, err, here.” He scratched his head as he passed her the note, feeling like the worlds biggest wanker when she looked up at him questioningly.

“’S nothing, just a note for you to read later when you’re alone.” He hoped she would be alone later and not playing sexy prefect in the bed of the headmaster. He was so tempted to head to Wood’s house and slash the sod’s tyres when he found out about the date. It might’ve worked if it hadn’t been full daylight and he knew he’d be spotted by someone rushing off with a blanket over his head, with all the bloody watchful eyes in this house. Anyway, it wouldn’t have stopped the date, he knew Buffy wasn’t so superficial that she’d care if someone picked her up for a date in a taxi cab.

Buffy frowned and looked to the note and back at him several times before pocketing it and continuing to her room, saying nothing else.

He sighed deeply, not knowing whether he’d done something so utterly stupid it would upset the dynamic of the current relationship they had. Only Time would tell.

…………………..

Buffy laid her head against the cooling glass of the vanity mirror in the rest room at the restaurant. It had been nice, eating a decent meal and being here in adult company, away from the potentials and not having to think about the first for a few hours. That was lovely, apart from how Spike’s face kept appearing in her minds eye. She had no reason to feel bad about the date, but she did. Things between her and Spike had never been truly resolved, and what they had was never truly over, she knew it. It was the reason she was attempting to move on. Robin was cute, sweet, a great conversationalist and a distraction from all that was happening in her life. Was he someone who could potentially be a lover? She wasn’t sure, as well as not being sure whether she wanted anymore complications in her life now. The slayer in her wanted to jump his bones like Faith might have. She envied the ease in which Faith took what she wanted from men and left them, moving on to the next one, never really feeling anything for them and enjoying the moment. Buffy just wasn’t like that, her heart, once given, was not so easily revoked. With Spike…well Spike was in her heart and she wasn’t sure she would ever rid herself of him, or even if she wanted to. Spike wasn’t like her previous lovers, Angel was her first love, and he’d always hold a special place there. She knew he held out for something which would allow them to be together, but she wasn’t so sure if he turned up tomorrow with an answer to the conundrum of him experiencing true happiness with her, that she’d still want him. Too much water had cascaded under the bridge for her to go back, she knew that deep down. Riley was her one true shot at a normal love and he’d ruined it, and now he was married and happy, it wasn’t likely he would turn up on her front porch anytime soon, or she’d want him if he did.

Spike. With Spike it felt like love for the first time in her life, like there was some silken string connecting them both together, an unbreakable bond, whatever they did or said to hurt each other it wouldn’t break and however much she tried to justify being apart from him, he did something which strengthened the bond, said something, moved her in some way. Was their love written in the stars? Maybe not, but it was a love that was tangible, it could go from friendship to deep passion in moments and wasn’t that what real love was? Did she value every piece of advice he gave her? Yes. Yes, she did, and often over and above anyone else’s. Could they be together after the way they’d treated each other in the past? Probably not. She worried that each would be the destruction of the other, that there shouldn’t be that much passion, that they could only implode like a dwarf star if they were together. But then, the animal attraction between them had been something she’d never experienced before. The chemistry they had was mind blowing and she thought about it during the times she masturbated, those times being few and far between right now, with the house being so full and all, but her memories of him made her cum every single time without fail and left her desperate for his touch until she drifted into a fitful sleep, dreaming of him.

The note he asked her to read later almost burned a hole in her pocket. They both knew each other well enough to know they’d both lied through their teeth when they talked earlier. She’d never really wanted a house with a white picket fence, it wasn’t for her, or him, he knew that.

She rinsed a paper towel and pressed it against her flushed cheeks, throwing the used towel into the bin and taking Spike’s note from her pocket with trembling fingers. What would he say? Would he say something hurtful or maybe painful? The note was folded in a square, but as she turned it over she noticed it was like one of the notes she and her friends had exchanged at middle school, a square in the middle which opened into four exterior triangles which needed to be opened individually to read the contents. The square in the centre contained a heart, drawn in red ink along with instructions written in Spike’s distinctive scribe, which said, “Circle the answers and return the note.” She hesitated, fingers still shaking slightly. It didn’t seem like this was going to be bad, it looked more like a note a boy might send to you when he really liked you, and you were both twelve.

Intrigued, she opened one triangle and found a short line, “Tell me you like me.” She opened the two inner folds and saw the answers, ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. She had no pen, so she carried on to the next triangle, mentally giving her answer. “Tell me you know I like you.” She nodded, smiling to herself and hopping up onto the basin, swinging her legs and opening the next one eagerly. This was much more fun than she’d expected. Opening the third one she felt her heart stutter and she began to breathe quickly. It said, “Tell me you know I love you.” Her heart skipped a beat and she grabbed onto the basin to stop herself from falling. With shaking hands, she opened the outer wedges to reveal the answers, ‘Always’ and ‘Forever’. There was no yes or no answer this time and she found herself anticipating what the forth quarter would say. She bit her lip and held her hand over the section, about to open it when the door to the ladies’ room swung open.

“Uh, I’m sorry to disturb you in the bathroom, miss, but your date asked me to check if you were OK.” One of the waitresses asked, looking a little concerned.

Buffy realised she must’ve been in the ladies’ room for some time and she hopped down, closing the note carefully and placing it back in her pocket. “Yes, I’m fine, please would you tell my date I’ll be there in a moment.

Spike must’ve known exactly what he was doing when he gave her the note. She checked her face, pulled her gloss from her pocket and ran the applicator over her lips, before heading out of the bathroom and back to their table.

“Oh, there you are, Buffy, I was worried about you.” Robin explained, pointing to the desserts they’d ordered.

“I’m sorry, I just needed to take a moment. With everything that’s been going on I felt a little tired, but I’m fine now.” She lied with ease.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Buffy. Why don’t you try my dessert? The sugar might make you feel better.” Buffy didn’t have time to feel bad about her lie as Robin lifted his fork towards her mouth and she felt it would be impolite not to accept.

It was divine! “Oh, my God! Mmm. Oh, my God. That might be the best thing I've ever had in my mouth.”

“Isn't it good? They soak the pears in brandy. Here, you need a bite with sauce.” He continued to feed her.

Oh, god, Spike. This was possibly the most uncomfortable situation she’d ever been in, being fed by her boss while Spike stood at their table and telling him that dessert was the best thing she’d ever had in her mouth, when it so wasn’t. She thought she might choke on that last bite at that thought, and she swallowed profusely, unable to speak.

Spike glared at Robin when he asked, “Is there a problem?”

She saw Spike grit his teeth, his jaw ticking as he attempted to control his temper. Anyone who didn’t know him as well as she did wouldn’t have noticed, but she sure did.

Spike ignored the principal and looked right at Buffy. “It's Xander.”

……………………

It had been a long evening, saving Xander from Lissa and making sure they all got home afterwards. Buffy knew that her moving straight to check Spike was Ok, was not lost on Robin after the fight, and things were pretty awkward afterwards. She’d thanked him for dinner and left for home along with Spike and the scoobies.

Once back home, Buffy excused herself and went to the bathroom, what was it with her and bathrooms today, she wondered, perhaps it was just the only place she could get any peace?

Pulling the note out of her pocket, she desperately wanted to know what the last section said. She looked up at her face first, with her free hand she smoothed some dirt from her face and looked back down at the crumpled note. It wasn’t so wrinkled that it was unreadable, but she flattened it out on the countertop, hiding the unread section under her hand as she took a deep breath. She moved her hand and read the question and answers all at once.

……………………..

Spike was no longer in the lounge when she walked down the stairs, and everyone else in the house had gone to bed.

She walked to the door leading the basement and placed her hand on the handle, easing it open as silently as she could. She knew this wasn’t for Spikes benefit, it was for the other residents of the house, she knew he’d hear her every movement. She removed her boots and left them by the door.

However quietly she padded those steps in her socks, it didn’t matter, as Spike was waiting for her at the bottom step, his eyes filled with pure hope and awe.

She stopped on the second to last step and gulped before she whispered. “Yes, yes, always and…” She paused for a moment, seeing a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. He’d always suffered from her indecision and she wanted to be sure he understood when she told him this time.

Looking at her feet, she felt underprepared for this, not the perfectly turned out Buffy she’d always been when they’d been fucking before, and it was just that, fucking. She’d always had the time to top up her tan, shave her legs and dress less like the ragamuffin she looked like at that moment. But her answer was the easiest thing she’d decided during this difficult time, she didn’t want to fuck him anymore.

Her silence was almost tangible, and she could see him almost sinking back into the pit of despair as he waited for her to finish. She wouldn’t do this to save him from himself, she would do the right thing.

“You know I do.” She uttered, waiting for his brain to catch up.

He lifted her from the top step, her body sliding down his as he uttered her name and buried his head in her hair. She dropped the note as her arms drew him close and she breathed him in, she’d missed him so much her emotions showed themselves in a tear which made its way slowly down her cheek.

“I missed you, so, so much.” His voice caught as he spoke and he planted kisses along her neckline before lifting her into his arms and walking to his cot.

On the bottom step, the note she’d dropped lay open to view, fluttering in the cool breeze of the basement. It said, “Do you love me?” and the answers he’d offered were either, ‘You know I do.’ Or ‘No.’

In the darkness there was a giggle as Spike growled, “Best thing you’ve ever had in your mouth, my ass!”


End file.
